This is a story I overheard at a pub in Nairobi about a story of a story told by a guy to his boys as a warning.
A guy probably in his 40s was seated behind me and I could not help but overhear as he regaled his date on the escapades of his boy, ‘Alex’ who was mchele’d in the most unique way.
‘Kuwekewa mchele’ or being ‘mchele’d’ which is a common occurrence in pubs in Nairobi refers to the lacing of a man’s drinks by a lady with the intention of making said man unconscious and then robbing him. The drugs used are the size of a rice grain hence the name mchele which is rice is Kiswahili.
‘Alex’ having heard of mchele situations was super vigilant when in pubs especially by himself but despite the vigilance ‘Alex’ was outwitted by a mchele lady.
A random week day saw him conclude a meeting at 10pm in the Central Business District. He then passed through Sanford (Nairobi’s mecca for late-night fast food) on Moi Aveneue for fries and chicken. After he was full and with an empty house awaiting him, ‘Alex’ then had the introspect not so clever thought of checking into a pub and having one for the road as a night cap.
One for the road, led to two as it usually does and shortly a lady with an ample bosom and a low cut top joined him. ‘Alex’ entertained her in conversation while still being very vigilant; drinking from the bottle, buying a new drink after a visit to the gents as well as taking water in between the alcohol to stay sober.
A pleasant evening was enjoyed but being a week night ‘Alex’ finally decided it was a wrap and sought to leave. The lady then said she had also had had enough and would grab a cab. Since she had not finished her drink ‘Alex’ being the gentleman waited for her.
Having shared the evening the two then felt the need to say goodbye in a more intimate fashion. An intense make-out session ensured but our ‘Alex’ still had his wits about him as he was wary of being ‘mchele’d.
As Eneke the bird says in Chinua Acheba’s Things Fall Apart, since men have learned to shoot without missing, he has learned to fly without perching. As men in Nairobi have learned how to avoid the snares laid by the mchele ladies, the ladies have learned new ticks.
The last thing ‘Alex’ remembers of the make-out session was suckling on a breast.
‘Alex’ woke up the next day on a pavement outside of the pub, robbed of all his valuables and aptly chastised for thinking he could outwit the mchele ladies.
In retrospect he reckoned that he had been totally vigilant and that the lady must have seen him ogle at her boobs, spotted a weakness, laid the bait on her breasts and then waited for ‘Alex’ to be a ‘thirsty’ man and BOOM.
Interestingly, ‘Alex’ had no hard feelings for the mchele lady saying that she was really nice conversation, the make out session was brilliant and she had a good heart since she even left him twenty shillings as bus fare home.
I could not help but really laugh at poor ‘Alex’ but in the laughter also picked my lesson on the latest tricks of the mchele ladies of Nairobi.
The overheard story may have been made up by a 40-something-year old man attempting humor for his date or it may be a true story. Either way, forewarned is forearmed :-).
As my boys say, hii ni town!
GOD BLESS KENYA!